Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I miss the days when minding your own business was a thing.
No matter how prepared you think you are, a retractable vacuum cord will always find the weakness in your defense.
Dumped my multiple personality girlfriend yesterday. She took it well, not so well, and she was really upset...
My life`s paradox: I love sleeping, but I never want to go to bed early.
Beer is good, but beers are better.
I drink one glass of red wine a day for my health. The rest of the bottle is because I like being drunk.
Stop complaining about being single on Valentine`s Day. We have bigger problems in this world. Like why McDonald`s doesn`t serve breakfast after 10.30
You had me at “We’ll make it look like an accident.”
Dear life, I`ve had enough bullsh!t to last a while. Can we take a little break please.
Apparently, when people say "I could use a hand" it doesn`t mean they want to get slapped in the face.
My neighbor`s facebook movie is just a montage of me caught on surveillance video, stealing his newspaper every morning.
If history repeats itself then I am SO getting a dinosaur.
What flickering lights mean: 1% electrical problem 99% demons.
I’m jealous of a book character for having sex with another character but sure come ask my advice about your marriage.
FANNNN...DANNNNN....GOOOOO. Breathe The A`s.