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If my calculations are correct then someone else did them for me.
I never know the proper etiquette with the pizza delivery guy. Do I kiss him before or after paying him?
Tomorrow the world shall be ours! Until then, good night my evil minions!!
"I`m only having one" ...said by many, practiced by none.
Life is what happens when you’re not looking at a screen.
Wife: give me money I want to buy a bra. Husband: you`ve got nothing to put in them. Wife: you wear shorts
FACT: 99.7% of guys named "Dan" are not actually "The Man".
I`m always amazed that when tragedy strikes how quickly people on Facebook become experts on the subject no matter what it is.
I wouldn’t say your ugly, you are just beautichallenged.
I think there should be a mandatory test at 16 that you have to pass and if not, you get neutered or spayed.
It`s the weekend!!! I haven`t been this excited since my phone got stuck on vibrate.
In the trailer for the fourth Transformers movie a guy says "what the hell is that" when a Transformer approaches. THE FOURTH MOVIE!
The grass isn’t always greener on the other side. It’s greener where you water it.
It’s not pretty being easy.
The police want to interview me. Strange, I didn`t even apply for a job.