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Million dollar idea: Duck Dynasty chia pets.
Wisdom is understanding that a tomato is a fruit, but you don`t add it in a fruit salad.
Remember the good old days when LOL meant "Laugh out loud" and not "I can`t think of a good reply"?
I asked my mom for money and she said "Does it look like I am made of money?" I said "Well isn`t that what M.O.M stands for?"
I think I have a serious problem---Today I was reading the newspaper and found myself looking for the "Like" button.
All women are crazy. But, if you pretend to listen to them when they talk, they will let you live.
When the sign says: DO NOT TOUCH I read: Touch when nobody is looking.
Don`t threaten to leave people, surprise them by actually leaving.
Seems like we would be just fine with about half as many types of pasta
If I was a cab driver I`d yell "ROAD TRIP" every time I got a passenger
“Too much milk left need more cereal” always leads to “too much cereal need more milk”
I`m glad it`s the thought that counts because I spend all day thinking about the sh!t I should be doing.
FYI, Target does not give prizes, no matter how many bullseyes you hit in the store with a paintball gun
Doing some caroling! All by myself. In people`s backyards. In the bushes. Very little singing. Mostly watching.
I’ve never been a millionaire, but I know I’d be excellent at it.