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I have a feeling I already know which direction my "Get rich or die trying" lifestyle is headed.
I don`t know what everyone`s complaining about. The economy looks great from my parents` basement.
People who live in glass houses should not throw orgies
Seeing a spider isn`t a problem. It becomes a problem when the spider disappears.
I hate to choose sides, but if forced, I`ll aggressively side with the person paying my bar tab.
It’s like nobody ever considers the consequences of getting to know me.
Psychology — Even trying to spell it correctly screws with your head.
I bet acting like azzholes on the Internet all day wasn`t where most of us visioned our lives to be right now.
I tried my best to see things from your point a view, but your point of view is stupid.
Sometimes I write "This is a hold up. I have a gun." in the memo of the checks I write for people and pray they cash them at the teller.
Had a super busy day today converting oxygen into carbon dioxide.
The thought of having my own kids is scary because anyone who`s half me and half someone dumb enough to have sex with me is doomed
It`s not hotter this year. It`s just that you are fatter and there is more surface area for the sun to hit.
When I die, before my will is read, I want my entire Google search history revealed and whoever is left in the room gets it all.
Anyone else pretend to work all day while thinking about big boobs instead?