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thinks there are times when your the most beautiful girl in the world, and there are times when I’m sober.
When riding in an elevator, be sure to push all the buttons. Your fellow riders will appreciate the fact that you thought of everyone.
Size does matter-just ask Pluto.
Guests are coming over for Thanksgiving... Almost time to booby trap the medicine cabinet with marbles.
I`m not sure if this woman in the Starbucks line ahead of me is ordering a drink or casting a spell.
Every pizza is a personal pizza, if you try hard and believe in yourself.
Do you know what’d look good on you? Me
How long have I been working here? ... Ever since they threatened to fire me.
Water is life; without it we wouldn’t have coffee, whiskey or beer.
My job description does not include farting on everyone else`s office chairs but I still do it because INITIATIVE.
Spring cleaning: The term that gives us an excuse to only clean once a year.
Thank god we don`t send messages with pigeons anymore. Where would I find 200 pigeons every day?
I`m pretty sure the phrase "sleep tight" originated in prison...
The difference between pizza and your opinion is that I asked for pizza…
Is it ok to ask a very pregnant librarian if she`s overdue?