Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If you borrow my laptop and the volume is at 16% go wash your hands immediately
Karate is just a violent way of making people smell your feet.
If a cannibal is late to dinner do they give him the cold shoulder?
Caterpillars have the ideal life. They eat a lot and then sleep for a while and wake up beautiful.
Given the places I`ve had my tongue, no we cannot "just be friends".
I’m drinking because you’re talking.
May the bridges I burn light the path in front of me...
I did a half hour on the treadmill each day last week. This week, I`m up to 1 hour a day. I`m slowly building up to actually turning it on some time in the future.
Cake and pie can’t compete. If you put candles in a cake it’s birthday cake. Put candles in a pie and someone’s drunk in the kitchen.
I hate it when I see some old person and then realize that we went to school together
Kinda makes you wonder how many employees used to piss on their hands in the bathroom before management finally took action
I only hate the people in front of me while checking out at the store. Everyone behind me is cool.
Don`t just be one of those people who stares at their phone or computer twelve hours a day. It`s important to also watch some TV.
The older I get the earlier it gets late.
People at airports must not workout much because they are all using these treadmills wrong...