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I`m not feeling myself today ... would you do it for me?
Kids today don`t know what hardship is. When I was younger I sometimes had to wait ALL DAY for MTV to play my favorite video.
If I had the money I`d hire 2 private investigators to follow each other
Wow! Sit-Downs are way easier than Sit-Ups!
Game of Thrones characters should have to wear jerseys with their names on the back
Iām mad, but not as mad as someone asking to see the rules in the middle of a monopoly game.
I don`t understand fat homeless people. What are you eating? Broken hopes and dreams?
A homeless man comes up to me asking for change, I say "Change comes from within." He looked stunned.
I may hate waiting. But I love procastinating.
I`m no different than any other bachelor. I put my pants on one leg at a time and clean the house once every new girlfriend.
They say a dog park is a great place to pick up girls. I don`t have a dog so I am walking around with a bag of poop so I won`t look weird.
I refuse to celebrate Earth Day until Wind & Fire are recognized.
Sidenote #2: Always have your middle finger ready on standby.
Safety Tip: lock your doors and windows before bed. Btw, I love what you`ve done with the place.
Shoplifting may be wrong in a general sense, but what if, for example, I`m bored of paying for things