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The guy that thought of wrapping other food items in bacon deserves an award.
Behind every strong woman is a man that she needs to open jars and get things off high shelves.
I’d tell you what I’m doing but I’ve learned from other evil villains not to announce my plans first.
I don`t understand no one has excepted my boiling water challenge
How come when a girl has sex with everyone she`s a slut but when a guy has sex with everyone he`s my boyfriend
I can’t hang out tonight because I’m done with people for the day.
If you catch me in the morning in a yoga position... more than likely I passed out drunk that way.
I won’t come to your party unless you have an animal I can spend the whole time hanging out with.
Sure, I was walking home from the bar drunk, but I wasn`t even stumbling. My guess is, the cops just had it in for naked people.
So if your invited to someone`s 4th marriage is it wrong to give them a gift certificate to a good divorce attorney?
A new heavy metal Christian Rock band will soon be releasing their debut album. They`re called Nuns `n` Moses.
If it doesn’t make you afraid to go to the bathroom the next day, it’s not really hot sauce.
Why do guys cheat on pretty girls with ugly ones...?
"Be yourself" is about the worst advice you can give some people.
I call in sick on full moons just to make them wonder.