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SCARY BUT TRUE: statistics show that everyone who’s ever used a cell phone will die
The sexiest fantasy in 50 Shades Of Grey is the bit where she gets a job in journalism without having to do years of unpaid work experience.
I`ve created a shoe made out of Legos, so when you step on Lego it doesn`t hurt. You just get taller.
Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
I only drank twice last week....Once for three days and once for four days
The term "bath toys" has a whole new meaning when you`re an adult
It’s not a great nap, unless you wake up and can’t remember what day it is.
I Don’t answer text messages right when I get them so I don’t seem desperate. Then, I forget about them and never respond.
life is too short to think twice and act wise....
You know you’re ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.
Yoga is a great way to meet and embarrass yourself in front of women
I AM doing something with my life. It’s called screwing around.
You can usually judge a women`s hotness by how many times your girlfriend calls her a whore.
Long story short, I love summaries
I’m not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they’d come up sliced.