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No matter how many lasagna’s you stack on top of each other, ultimately it’s always just one lasagna
Warning: this life contains strong language, adult situations and nudity.
My trust issues began when there was no donkey in Donkey Kong.
Little to no thought was put into this status.
If you want your wife or girlfriend to listen and pay undivided attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
I´ve always wondered if film directors wake up screaming "CUT! CUT! CUUUUUT!" when they have nightmares.
I’m sorry I slapped you. It’s just you seemed like you weren’t going to stop talking and I panicked.
That message felt like a great idea until I hit send.
They`ve got this brand new machine at the gym. I only used it for about an hour because I started to feel sick, but it`s awesome - it`s got Mars Bars, KitKat Chunkys, Cheetos, crisps.... everything!
Guys are like bears, if you lay very still they’ll paw at you a bit then give up and go look for food.
Families should be able to trade people, just like professional sports teams.
My goal is to move just enough each day that no one pokes me to see if I`m dead.
After midnight, clowns aren`t funny.
My favorite part about your rant on how much you hate social media sites was when you posted it from a social media site.
To all who called into work drunk today. Happy St Patrick`s Day.