Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My friends are the type of friends that if my house was on fire, they would be over here with marshmallows and hitting on the hot fireman!
Chasing your dreams is hard... especially when that damn alarm keeps going off
Looking back at old text messages and Facebook messages and being like "What the hell was I thinking when I said that."
Waking up an hour early gives you an extra hour to wish you were still in bed.
If a coworker asks to borrow your pen - sniff it and say, “I think this one is safe” and see if they’ll take it from your hand.
My life is like a romantic comedy except there’s no romance and It’s just me laughing at my own jokes.
People who say watching golf on TV is boring have obviously never listened to golf on the radio
That moment when you think you know somebody then they pull out an entirely new bag of stupid.
This silly farmers market doesn`t have any locally grown pizza.
Just because I`m nodding my head at appropriate times while you`re talking doesn`t mean I give a sh!t about what you`re saying..
My most heavily used kitchen appliance is a fire extinguisher.
I don`t get my neighbor. tells me to make my self at home but then gets pissed off when they come into the kitchen and I`m in my underwear making a sandwich.
Probably the worst thing you can do to a person is leave them a voicemail.
At least I know it wasn`t just me that was wondering if the cashier was a man or a woman. I just wish that my 5 year old didn`t ask.
Remember before you give the finger from the safety of your car, not everyone has a schedule to keep.