Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Thinking about starting a line of realistic welcome mats with things like "Please don`t stay long!" or "I hope you brought booze."
If my "friends" post just two more scripture quotes on Facebook, I will have officially read the entire bible.
I try to explain to my kids during the movie that in reality, even a cowardly lion would eat a girl and a little dog.
The Shining is my favorite movie about what can happen when you spend too much time with family.
If I cover my phone at work with Preparation H, would it filter out the `pains in the butts` from calling?
I flunked anger management class.
My wife said we could have a three way "when pigs fly" so I showed her a police helicopter.
"This is so wrong," I say excitedly, my heart racing, my hands trembling as I butter a donut
The trick to successfully backing out of a parking space is to not care what happens to you or anyone else.
Can`t believe people still say "pot" it`s not the 70s anymore we call it "saucepan" now
None of my girlfriends even know they`re dating me.
I ordered a new GPS unit, but it got lost in the mail.
We didn`t take a video recording of our child`s birth but we have some awesome video of his conception.
I am absolutely a man of my word. Unfortunately, it just so happens that the word is "Unreliable".
Iām having a free beer contest tonight. The 1st person to bring me a case of beer gets to watch me drink it. FOR FREE!