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All I`m saying is that the cheese grater wouldn`t have 4 sides if they wanted you to wash it after every use.
Behind every strong woman is a man that she needs to open jars and get things off high shelves.
My credit card company says I have an outstanding balance. I’m flattered.
It’s fun to pull someone’s leg… but don’t ever pull their finger.
Every cigarette you smoke takes 5 minutes off your student loan debt.
Secret Admirers are just stalkers with good PR.
It`s funny how you think it`s your cat leaving all those dead birds on your doorstep.
"Just so you know, you`re coming home with me tonight." I whisper to all the leftover food on the table from our dinner date.
There’s plenty of fish in the sea… I just suck at fishing.
Of course I can keep a secret. It’s the people I tell it to who can’t.
Accidentally walking through the camping aisle at Target every once in a while is about as outdoorsy as I get.
At this point Washington DC is basically just an elaborate promotional stunt for Grand Theft Auto V.
1. Go to police station 2. Say a gang mugged you 3. Describe your own relatives to police sketch artist 4. Claim free family portrait
I need to adjust the brightness settings for my future.
Would you like a push on that mood swing of yours?