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Any question is a hard hitting question when it`s written on a brick and thrown full force at your face.
Listening to your wife is like reading the terms and conditions of a website. Sometimes you understand nothing, and still you say..."I Agree".....!
When riding in an elevator, be sure to push all the buttons. Your fellow riders will appreciate the fact that you thought of everyone.
You know what’s funnier than watching someone trip and fall? Absolutely nothing!
I bet Hell is sitting in front of every person you know while a slideshow of all of your deleted selfies is played on a loop.
If you think buying condoms is awkward, try returning them.
I love how music can take you to another place. For example One Direction is playing in this cafe so now I`m going to a different cafe.
When one door closes and another one opens, it`s time to pack up and leave because your house is clearly haunted.
I saw a Facebook ad for burial plots and I thought, that`s the last thing I need.
I hate when I walk into the kitchen for food and only find ingredients.
Is snaxting a thing? Texting each other pics of your snacks? Cause I feel like I’d be pretty good at that.
How can I go to sleep when this movie I’ve seen 70 times just started?
I hate when people passive-aggressively post vague, indirect statuses. You know who you are...
I`m the type of person that will burst out laughing in dead silence over something that happened days ago.
I miss the old days when I could say I wasn`t around and you couldn`t check Facebook or twitter to see if I was lying