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There are no bad pictures. That`s just how your face looks sometimes.
I just poured myself some iced tea. I could have sworn I heard one of the beers in my fridge whisper "What the F*ck!?"
People who live in glass houses should not throw orgies
No body on there deathbed said I wish I had spent more time at work
Too bad you can’t get abs from laughing at your own jokes, because I would have an 8 pack.
Everyone has a right to their own opinion, no matter how wrong they are. And that`s why we have a problem.
The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.
If I`ve learned anything from Facebook, it`s that you shouldn`t be learning on Facebook.
I bought my mother in-law one of those atomic clocks. I can`t wait for the alarm to go off.
Mission Impossible: Ordering something at Subway without saying, "ummmm".
The only time I`ve ever used sex to get what I want is when I want sex.
All who post weather maps on FB. You know we have the internet too, right??
I would be a terrible stalker because A) I`m not motivated enough B) You would always hear the rattle of peanut m&ms behind you.
Good news: I learned how to build a fire. Bad news: I need a new toaster oven.
All women have an hour glass figure – it’s just that they all tote around different amounts of sand.