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You might be addicted to Facebook if you read my post`s every day...
Do you suppose prison guards could use `PROACTIV` to prevent outbreaks?
What do sleeping and sex have in common? I`m not getting nearly enough of either.
"Let`s give the bad guy a ponytail." - 80s movies
Sleep is my drug, the bed my dealer, the alarm clock the police.
So apparently there are two types of white towels in my house. Ones to dry off and ones to touch if you want your fingers broke.
I`m losing my mind, but as long as I keep the part that tells me when I gotta pee, I should be OK
Uses 3 gallons of water to rinse out yogurt container so it can go into recycling bin
“Hey baby, do you smell that?” “No.” “Me neither, start cooking.”
My insomnia is getting worse. I was wide awake all day at work yesterday.
If I was antisocial I wouldn`t have just ordered a pizza over the phone.
It`s no fun if you have permission.
I eat my corn on the cob like an old-school typewriter. This is how the 80`s cartoons taught me to do it as a kid.
I`m pretty sober, but I`m prettier drunk.
There is nothing like sitting naked in a beanbag chair eating Cheetos. I hope they let me back in Walmart.