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Summer is here. I`m in the process of moving all my bad habits outside.
It’s like these fools at the gym have never seen someone with roller skates on the treadmill before.
Sometimes I stand in the shower for 10 minutes before I remember what I`m supposed to be doing. So, yes your secrets are safe with me.
My boss just asked me why I wasn`t working.. ..i told em cuz I didn`t see him coming
I used to dream about becoming an astronaut. Now I just dream that there`s still time before the alarm goes off.
Is "blowjob" one word or two words? God I hate writing thank you cards. -Bfanch
I think you and I both know that you`re not facebook friends with me for the funny statuses.
My Ex texted me."please delete my number."I replied,"Who`s this??"
Sleep is for the people without access to Internet.
As funny as it might be, It`s never polite to yell "Tuba Lesson!" Before farting.
The Mrs said she we need a "conversation piece" in the living room. I`m thinking taco cart...
The great thing about snow is it makes your lawn look as good as your neighbors.
I always read my girlfriend’s horoscope to see what kind of day I`m going to have.
Well it`s almost time for that " New Year -- New Me " bullsh_t again!
My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental issues