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Have you ever wondered what a job application at Hooters is like? Maybe they just give you a bra and say, “here, fill this out”.
I got up at 7:00 this morning .. lather rinse repeat ... How long do you have to do this for?
Yes, I dance in my car. Yes, I see you staring at me. No, I do not care.
I met this girl in a club last night, I think she’s a body builder. She just so happened to build hers using chips.
I never sign anything until I pretend to read it first..
Nothing is quite so annoying as to have someone go right on talking when you`re interrupting!
If wookies have a 400 year life span, then Han Solo is basically like Chewbacca`s third dog.
I have the worst case of morning sickness. No I am not pregnant, my body just rejects mornings.
A new heavy metal Christian Rock band will soon be releasing their debut album. They`re called Nuns `n` Moses.
Sorry, but breaking up with you on facebook was the best way of letting all your friends know I`m available.
More people would call the Gambling Addicts Helpline if they made every 5th caller a winner.
When are they going to drug test the audience of "The Price Is Right."? No one is that happy
I just bought a medical alert bracelet that says ... "Probably just sh!tfaced."
TIP: If cars are passing you on the highway in the LEFT lane, GET THE HELL OUT OF THE RIGHT LANE!
I went around the block with my bike for the first time in years and now I understand why Lance Armstrong took performance enhancing drugs.