Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Nice try, blocked number but I don`t even answer the phone for people I know.
It only takes one slow walking person in the grocery store to destoroy the illusion that I am a nice person.
make little things count. teach midgets math.
Doing the moonwalk is the only way to look cool while wiping dog crap off your shoes.
My secret fantasy is to have two women at the same time, one cooking and one cleaning.
I`m awkward when people compliment me. "Nice hair" "Thanks, I grew it myself"
I can`t help but feel insulted when that voice on the speaker calls me a Walmart shopper.
University; It`s like being unemployed, but your parents are proud of you.
I hate how after an argument I think of really clever stuff I should have said.
I`m tired of being the better person. One day I`d like to be the bitch that they claim I am.
I feel bad for the photons that travel 93 million miles from the sun and then have to bounce off your stupid face.
Why is it called “after dark” when it really is “after light”?
Whenever a stranger asks our baby’s name, I always say he hasn’t told us yet.
When life gives you lemons....throw them back and yell, "I wanted cookies!"
The only toys I was allowed to play with in the tub were the dirty dishes.