Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When I bang my toe against something, it’s like I pressed a button that plays every curse word I know.
The only technique I`ve mastered from watching cooking shows is screaming and swearing at everyone in the kitchen.
My ex-girlfriend said she broke up with me because I was childish and immature. I think it`s because she`s a big dumb stinkyhead that`s jealous of my awesome Transformers collection.
Junk food would be a lot easier to avoid if it actually tasted like junk.
My pet unicorn told me that I was being delusional again. :/
Don`t you just a hate it when you stumble into bed drunk only to be nagged by someone screaming "Get out" or "You live next door!"
I`m so pissed right now! I`m about to open a can of... Wait…WTF??!! Since when did they start putting child-proof lids on the cans of whoop-ass? A little help please...
I take so many things with a grain of salt that I`m surprised I don`t have high blood pressure.
Ever talk to someone so stupid you can hear them misspelling words?
Well the Christmas tree is out of the house, and back on the rear view mirror.
If you pour two beers in one glass, it`s just one beer.
I tried counting sheep to get to sleep, but one was missing and now I’m gonna be up all night worrying.
I finally had the talk with my kids. I told them that in the wild animals eat their young so they better get their sh!t together.
Since everything is closed for Thanksgiving I’m going to drive around and park in all the good spots I never get.
every woman iz beautuful n her unique way, smtimz it needs sm amount of alcohol to see with