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You can learn a lot about a girl by ignoring her text messages.
To all the people who think they don`t need deodorant: What in the world would make you think that?
One day, I will solve my problems with maturity. Today, however, it will be with alcohol.
Do you suppose prison guards could use `PROACTIV` to prevent outbreaks?
When life gets you down, just remember: It’s never too early or too late for a nap.
A "long story" is just a short story that no one wants to tell.
Everytime I find the key to happiness, somebody changes the lock.
It really freaks me out that I have a skeleton living inside me......
It`s not an attitude problem, it`s the way I am.
If tomatoes are a fruit, then ketchup is a smoothie.
It’s not real love unless you leave your phone in plain sight overnight.
May have put up a few too many Christmas lights. A 747 just landed in the backyard.
If at first you don`t succeed, find out where she lives.
Sometimes people don`t notice or appreciate the things we do for them, until we stop doing it. They are like, “Why don’t you stalk me anymore”
Do you know what I hate worse than people? Groups of people.