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Sarcasm: because snapping a neck is frowned upon in a court of law.
A good husband is like a bra. He should be supportive and help support your burdens, but mostly he`s just there to touch your boobs.
i don`t care if u don`t like me ........... i am not a facebook status:D
Besides tweeting during this job interview, what would you say is your biggest weakness?
My boss is having a colonoscopy today. I sure hope they find his head.
Salary is like a menstrual cycle, it comes once a month and is gone in five days...
The one thing you never wanna hear when your father catches you watching porn is... "Scoot over."
Just a reminder that you don’t have to tell Facebook goodnight. You can just stop talking.
When I think of a SELFIE, I`m not sure it`s the same thing you`re thinking of...
Why is it that people who can eat really spicy food think the rest of us give a sh!t?
Every time I`m about to win an argument with my wife, someone wakes me up...
Growing up we were so poor. If I wasn`t a boy I would have had nothing to play with.
If you feel lonely... dim all lights & put on a horror-movie. After a while it won’t feel like you are alone anymore
I`ll never need a shrink as long as my wife keeps pointing out whats wrong with me...
Apparently my "Please STFU" face bears a strong resemblance to my "Oh, Please Keep Talking" face.