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Still not 100% clear on whether French Montana is a person or a steakhouse special.
Today I think I`ll go to a public restroom and wait until someone leaves, then click your stopwatch and write something down in a notebook.
Lying in bed, listening to the Doors. I really should oil the hinges...
I`d try Taco Bell`s breakfast but I don`t start drinking that early.
I passed a homeless guy who asked "Any change!?" I said "Nope, your still dirty and homeless". We laughed and laughed and then he stabbed me
I wish the media and politicians would stop jumping to delusions.
To ensure you never cut yourself while chopping vegetables, get a friend to hold the vegetable.
If I suddenly had the ability to teleport, I’d spend an entire day popping up naked in front of people and asking for John Connor.
For every action, there’s an equal and opposite reaction. Plus a social media overreaction.
I don`t have a drinking problem ... I`m just really thirsty.
This century is already 15% over.
It`s awkward when I have to pull someone aside and point out that my fly is open.
Baby.. I wanna be the reason you need therapy.
Life is like a teenager`s p@nis. some are short, some are long, but it is always hard.
Have you ever loved someone so much, you wanted to keep them hidden from the world and all to yourself? Well, apparently its called kidnapping