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One man`s trash is another man`s profile picture.
It`s not a walk of shame if you leave on a pogo stick.
feels like I`m forgetting to flip someone off today.
Hmmmm what should I buy myself for Valentines day.
If you’re going to walk really slowly in front of me you should at least have the courtesy to have a slammin booty.
I`ve had such a bad week First my girlfriend got run over by a bus, then I lost my job.. ..as a bus driver
If you ever get a flat tire, take a picture of it on your phone so for future reference you can use it as a valid excuse.
I`m a multi-taking procrastinator. I can put off all kinds of things all at once.
You don`t have to be crazy to work here ... We`ll train you.
To skip any youtube ad just change ‘youtube’ to ‘youtubeskip’ in the url of any video. You’re welcome.
You don`t need training to be a street cleaner, you just pick it up as you go along.
Someone has got to come up with a polite way to ask a fat girl if she`s pregnant.
I`m starting to wish I were a werewolf so I`d have a better reason for waking up nude in public with no memory of how I got there.
Some questions just answer themselves. Like, sit-ups or pizza?
I asked my girlfriend why she never tells me when she orgasms. She said she doesn`t like phoning me at work.