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From 8am until 12pm, my job basically pays me to think about what I am going to have for lunch.
I want to meet myself from someone else’s point of view.
"Oh Sh!t, Was That Today?" my autobiography
Apparently, starting an impromptu game of leap frog with somebody bending over to tie their shoe is considered rude. Church is boring.
Sometimes I feel like giving up...Then I remember I have a lot of motherf*ckers to prove wrong
The recipe said "prick with a fork,",,,, but enough about me.
This salad tastes like I`m about done with my New Year`s Resolution.
It`s so hot I have my air condition set on bankruptcy.
Since It`s summer here`s a little advice, best way to beat the heat is to wear a San Antonio Spurs jersey
Money may not buy happiness but it can certainly improve the quality of your misery
Okay kids don`t ever talk to strangers or take candy from strangers or go to stranger`s houses except on the day we worship the devil.
"You`re so cute!" works as a response to anything my girl says 99% of the time when I`m not listening which is 99% of the time.
I used to think I was a man of vision. Now i`m pretty sure they`re hallucinations.
There is nothing like sitting naked in a beanbag chair eating Cheetos. I hope they let me back in Walmart.
Technically, every picture is a before picture.