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Please excuse me for talking while you were interrupting.
Why go to a therapist when a woman will explain everything wrong about you free of charge?
Shout out to Pringles for never giving us a half can of air.
You bring everyone a lot of joy ... when you leave the room.
I used to have superpowers but the psychiatrist took them away.
Bored? Find group photo of 4 women. Comment "You 3 look incredible!!"
You`re never too old to learn stupid sh!t
You know you are getting old when people keep telling you how young you look.
Million dollar idea: A bathroom mirror that takes pictures.
Big deal, Times Square, I drop the ball at least twice a week.
Think about how much more stressful life’s most stressful moments would be if accompanied by the running-out-of-time music in Mario Bros.
H.A.T.E.R.S. : Having Anger Towards Everyone Reaching Success?
Let`s drink till this day makes some sort of sense.
my girlfriend does that cute thing, where she doesnt exist.
I thought there was a spider on the rug but it was just yarn.....it`s dead yarn now, though.