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Of course it`s you. If it was me I wouldn`t even bring it up.
Life would be so much better if there were piñatas strategically placed throughout my day.
I don`t have a smartphone I have a phone that shows potential but doesn`t apply itself
After dinner I like to sit in the garden in my underwear and smoke a cigarette.....but apparently that`s not done at this hotel....
Does anyone have the recipe for ice cubes? Asking for a friend.
"You have the right to remain silent so as not to incriminate yourself." ~5th Amendment, understood by nobody on Facebook.
My bank is the worst. They`re charging me money for not having enough money in my account. Apparently, I can`t even afford to be broke.
My job description does not include farting on everyone else`s office chairs but I still do it because INITIATIVE.
I wish I was a jedi, but mostly just so I didn`t have to bend over to pick up dog poop.
I need a partner in wine.
Proposing to a woman isn`t like choosing a life-long business partner. It`s more like hiring your own boss.
For a guy who makes as many bad decisions as I do, I feel like I should be having more fun.
I was just watching Ladies Beach volleyball and there`s already been a wrist injury.. No worries, I should be okay in a couple of days..
Afraid my muffin top is desiring to become a pound cake.
Occasionally, I like to take a look through my old status updates and smile at my sparkling wit.