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My friend named her female dog Karma... Karmas a bitch.
in 2014 there were times when I annoyed you, disturbed you, irritated you and bugged the hell out of you. Today i wanna let you know that i planned to continue with it this year :-)
Stop screaming, lady. All I said was `this is how pornos start`. It`s just elevator talk.
I knew you were coming so I baked a cake ... It was delicious.
It’s funny that old people need handicap parking spots but they always manage to pick up a penny off the ground.
No, I didn`t accidentally pocket dial you, I wanted you to hear me eat lunch.
The best nicknames are the ones people don’t know they have.
likes to end all my phone calls with "Ok, I`ll see you later on at the party!" and then quickly hang up. Let them figure it out.
Remember to make some bad decisions today. 20 years from now that’s all you’ll have to make your kids think you’re cool.
Well, the people outside are frightful.
I know that somewhere in the Universe exists my perfect soul mate, but looking for her is much more difficult than just staying at home and ordering another pizza.
It’s amazing how everyone cries for free speech until someone says something that they don’t like.
Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button.
Sometimes people don`t notice or appreciate the things we do for them, until we stop doing it. Then they are like, “Why don’t you stalk me anymore”
Have you ever realized that sleeping is just your eyes staring at your eyelids all night long?