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Two knives taped together are not a suitable alternative to scissors.
Oh the pranks I would pull if I were invisible
I worry about people who write "taken" in their bios. Where did they go? Who took them? Why aren`t we helping to find them?
I look forward to paying off all my debt and finally getting back to just being broke.
I thought my name was "Stop encouraging him" until I was 11.
When someone says to me great minds think alike, I just look at them and think “you dirty bastard”.
"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, & nothing but the truth" ... I choose dare, your honor
Sometimes I go on Google Earth and just spin the sh!t out of the world & pretend I`m making everyone really dizzy.
That awkward moment when you realise you have way more internet friends than real friends.
Turtles make an awesome jogging buddy.
I`d kill for a microwave that plays Europe`s “The Final Countdown” during the last 30 seconds.
Do you have to water a Pointsettia or do they die on their own?
I am not saying you are stupid, because I thought you already knew
Just when you want to be a good person again , someone new to stalk shows up
You can`t always decide who walks into your life, but you can decide which window to throw them out of.