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I am out of wine, so I ate a bag of grapes and threw myself down the stairs.
Look up from your phone… There’s some life going on around you.
I decided I`m going to be poor... Its Cheaper :)
Stapling water to a tree is easier than controlling your laughter at serious times.
I enjoy planting sex toys at yard sales in nice neighborhoods, then sit back to watch the magic unfold.
Uses 3 gallons of water to rinse out yogurt container so it can go into recycling bin
You know it`s a really good bar when there`s a couple outside breaking up.
I have my hesitations about Paradise City if the first thing you brag about is the color of the grass
I`ll give up my thesaurus when you pry it from my frigid, frosty, frozen, cadaverous, lifeless, stiff, defunct extremities.
Unplug the copier at work & put a sign on it that says “now voice activated!” Sit back & watch the magic unfold.
From all these shows I`ve watched it seems like snipers lay down a lot of the day....I`d probably be pretty good at that job.
ATM`s need to have breathalyzers.
Wanna have a little fun? Post "Anyone know a good lawyer?" Then sit back and watch the speculation run wild!
I don`t need a New Years Resolution, I`m already awesome!
People who weigh their produce. What`s it like to have all the time in the world?