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Today`s big idea - Coffee eye drops
I know I have a long way to go but look at how far I`ve come.
One of the first things they tell you in AA is to stop hanging around alcoholics. So I listened, and never went back.
My credit rating is so bad I got turned down for a magazine subscription.
Top uses for Golf Balls: 1. Describing hail storms 2. Describing tumors 3. Playing golf
If I had a nickel for everytime I told myself I`d quit smoking, I could buy a lot more cigarettes
This dishwasher sucks. It`s already ruined three of my paper plates.
How will you survive a zombie apocalypse if you scream & run when you see a spider?
Flip flops are fun because every time you take a step it`s like a high-five for your feet.
It`s a beautiful day. I think I`ll skip my meds and stir things up a bit
I have discovered that theirs no popcorn in popcorn chicken. I guess there`s no point in bothering with hash browns then.
When girls flash its called, "girls gone wild" when men flash its call ... "America`s most wanted"
:): The Bipolar smiley face
That time Homer`s arms were stuck in a vending machine until he realized he could just let go is basically what all of life is like
The Spanish version of the Subway jingle “65.63 Peso 0.3 meter largo” isn’t quite as catchy…