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Women, if you want to strike a bit of fear into your man, just smile really big and ask him, "Notice anything different?"
Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, get wasted all the time and have the time of your life!
I can only please one person a day...and today is not your day!
You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.
Soup of the day: Tequila.
I’ve been reading a lot about how to live and eat healthier and then not doing anything with that information.
I look so young for my rage.
This fly in my car is going to be very disappointed when it ends up at Walmart.
Why do people with bad breath always have to tell me secrets???
There are more important things in life than Facebook and Twitter, like watching TV and having a beer.
I will resolve to spend less time on Facebook..............ok, got that one out of the way.....................
“Be yourself” is the worst advice you can give to some people.
Practising my breast stroke, so if I ever get a girlfriend I dont do it wrong...
You have 600 friends on Facebook but you have to take your own picture of yourself for your profile photo.
A friend like you is worth a million dollars. So, if you don’t mind…can I sell you?