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Whoever determined that a 1-inch candy bar should be called “fun sized” should really re-evaluate their standards for entertainment.
I thought about going outside and doing something today but my Wi-Fi really doesn’t reach very far.
The sooner you fall behind the more time you´ll have to catch up.
I suspect my gravestone will have a pretty serious urine discoloration not long after I`m gone.
I have never been guilty of taking the smaller pizza slice.
On a scale of one to crazy, how many cats do you have?
Men are great listeners when you have big boobs ;)
Sometimes the only reason I leave my house is so when someone asks about my day I don’t have to say “Netflix and avoiding responsibilities"
"There`s strength in numbers" I whisper to my 9th slice of pizza.
What do bats eat that makes their sh!t our standard for crazy?
I`m starting to think that all those hours in school, when I practiced writing my autograph, was just a waste of time.....
College is the only time in which being poor and drunk is acceptable.
I can relate to Alice in Wonderland. She just keeps randomly eating and drinking with hope that it might magically solve her problems.
Be nice to your kids. They get to choose your nursing home.
I entered what I ate for lunch into my calorie counting app and it uninstalled itself.