Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
It`s impossible to look cool while holding onto a leash attached to a dog who is taking a crap.
I missed that one episode of The Walking Dead where they show us how the zombies keep everyone`s lawns so freshly mowed.
I just want to find someone who will love me for exactly who I am pretending to be.
My inflatable girlfriend always looks surprised when I walk into the room.
Oh, you think you have relationship problems? Try separating me from my bed in the morning...
Headaches are when the voices inside my head get into a fist fight.
You will attract attention if wearing a skirt on a windy day. This is doubly true if you are a man.
Why is it called tourist season if we can`t shoot them?
You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket .. I´d miss you alot and think of you often.
My phone dies faster than a black man in a horror film.
There`s a big difference between a mechanic and a surgeon when they work on a tranny.
The roof of the McDonalds in my town has 38 Pickle slices on it from times I ordered sh!t without pickles in it.
Let’s just call a vacation what it is: the opportunity to live like an alcoholic for a little while.
Sometimes all you need is a hug or someone to tell you everything will be ok, or some rough sex or whatever....
I really have to stop using this little microphone on my phone that types whatever you say as it keeps making mistakes punctuation point