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This hangover feels like Quentin Tarantino directed it.
You might be addicted to Facebook if you read my post`s every day...
Who let the owls out?? Don`t sing the chorus you`ll make it worse.
The path to inner peace begins with 3 simple words....Not my problem.
My car said "low on fuel"..I replied "low on cash"..I`m still waiting for a reply..
A golden rule to live by: Never do anything that you wouldn’t want to explain to the paramedics!
A spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down, unless that medicine is insulin.
I like to pee on car windows in subzero weather, happy scraping
I wonder if Alex Trebek’s tombstone will say ‘Who was the host of Jeopardy?’
So I met an Egyptian, they walk just like us.
Nobody texts faster than a pissed off female.
Don`t ask me what I did today, neither of us want to hear it out loud.
These Jehovah`s Witnesses are getting creative. They are now knocking on my door dressed as cops saying they have a warrant.
believes saying "hi" with a big smile can brighten anyone´s day ... even those who give you the middle finger for cutting them off in traffic.
I call in sick on full moons just to make them wonder.