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2003: Fear that ppl from the internet will find me in real life. 2013: Fear that ppl from real life will find me on the internet.
Burger King is offering delivery service in some areas. I don’t trust it. Everyone knows it’s impossible to drive without eating the fries.
So, all theses years I thought it was the dyer making my shirts not fit. now I`m pretty sure it the refrigerator.
Christmas is just like any other day in the workplace, you work your butt off and the fat guy with a suit gets all the credit.
Some marriages end up fine, the others last forever.
Instructions for having an adventure: 1. Stand outside restaurant. 2. Wait for someone to ask if you`re the valet. 3. Say yes.
Instead of calling it the John, I call my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning.
Well, THAT Jehovah`s Witness isn`t going to forget anytime soon what they witnessed when I answered the door.
You don’t truly know someone until you see how they react to their bag of chips getting stuck in a vending machine
When someone says “You just made my day,” it makes my day.
How much is appropriate to tip the police officer who opens the squad car door for you?
I think I have 10 inches of Global Warming on my driveway.
I lifted my hands up in the air and waved them like I just didn`t care.....Ceiling fan: 6 Me: 0
Before you refer to someone as your ex, make sure they know you dated.
is ready to have one too many!