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Today`s big idea - Coffee eye drops
I have this condition that prevents me from going on a diet. I get hungry.
I think I need to return my GPS...no matter what it can`t help me find easy street
Do you ever just look at a girl and instantly know she posts her daily horoscope on Facebook and quotes Marilyn Monroe?
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes...
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, Iām coming to your house with a facking baseball bat.
Learn a lesson from your dog. No matter what life brings you, kick some grass over that crap and move on.
I try to avoid trouble but I think it likes me.
Roses are red, violets are blue, the boss snuck out early, so I left too.
You can lead a horse to water but I`d rather ride it to the liquor store.
Some of my friendships are bad for my liver.
I`m motivated by a need to leave something meaningful in the world & a profound desire to shove it in the face of anyone who`s rejected me.
I hate when the remote is way over there
There is a special place in Hell for people who stop at yellow lights.
I cringe when teens brag about taking girls to pound town because adopting a puppy together is a huge responsibility.