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I don`t like Instagram. It reminds me that somewhere people are doing stuff. I just don`t need that kind of pressure.
I just want you all to know, whatever problems you might be having, I`m here to `like` them.
Honestly, I’ver never see anyone fall because of a banana.
When people introduce themselves to me for the first time, I tell them, “Yes, we’ve met before.” So they feel awkward trying to remember me.
I sent that "Ancestry " site some information on my family tree. They sent me back a packet of seeds and suggested that I just start over
Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
I have a friend with one eye, he`s pretty cool about it, instead of :D he sends .D
I react to "Someone has tagged a photo of you..." in the same way I react to a doctor saying, "Your test results came back..."
To skip any youtube ad just change ‘youtube’ to ‘youtubeskip’ in the url of any video. You’re welcome.
With great power comes great electricity bill.
No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you. I just want the oil change
What flickering lights mean: 1% electrical problem 99% demons.
Want someone to stop texting you? Sleep with them.
If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, does it really have calories?
Vodka mixes well with everything, except decisions.