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I’ve made some mistakes I wish I could make again.
I was visited by three spirits last night, Vodka, Rum And Gin. . .
Corduroy pillows?... They`re making headlines!....
OK. So I danced like no one was watching. Anyone know a good lawyer?
never judges a book by its cover. I use the paragraph on the back, it tells you what the story is about.
When I see a man with long fingernails, my first thought is wizard. My second thought is virgin wizard.
I like you as a friend. Well, more like as a friend of a friend.
I don`t care how much you like the soap. Never leave a public restroom smelling your fingers.
My "Do Not Disturb" facial expression is not working today.
I slept on my neck funny and today I will be turning my whole body like Batman every time I have to look at something.
I want my tombstone to say "It didn`t make me stronger."
No horror movie can surpass the sensation of touching your pockets and not feeling your cell phone.
If you ever think someone’s too cute to talk to just remember that they poop too.
Shouting "Shotgun" will get you the front seat of a car or a heap of cash if you whisper it to a cashier.
Just when you think someone couldn`t be any more annoying I test your theory.