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I am out of wine, so I ate a bag of grapes and threw myself down the stairs.
With everything going on lately... I`ve got a lot of serious thinking to do! Oops....Did I say "Thinking".... I meant "Drinking"!!
My greatest fear is standing on stage in front of millions while my Google search history is read aloud...
Sit-ups are my favorite form of exercise because I get to lay down every few seconds.
And yet another year goes by with People magazine failing to recognize my beauty.
Some people come into our lives & leave footprints on our hearts. Others come into our lives & make us wanna leave footprints on their face.
I used to be a kleptomaniac but now I take something for it.
If the Dollar Store ever starts selling alcohol....drinks are on me.
never tell a lie...unless it is true
I`m just looking for a reason not to drink
If you get excited that jumping on the bed won`t spill the wineglass on the other side, you`re probably an alcoholic.
I don`t have dirty mind ...I just hav a sexy imagination. ..
Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance... The five stages of waking up.
My wife asked me to load the dishwasher. So I poured her some shots and told her to start drinking. And that`s how the fight started.
Our kids biggest challenge will be to find a username that`s not already taken.