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That microwavable meal was delicious and filling! – no one ever
Chicken salad with egg in it is my fave way to eat two generations.
Apparently, starting an impromptu game of leap frog with somebody bending over to tie their shoe is considered rude. Church is boring.
That`s like asking the fat guy to watch the pie.
Why do bras and batteries come in the same sizes?
If you catch me in the morning in a yoga position... more than likely I passed out drunk that way.
When people I don’t know ask me what I do for a living I shout “Karma,” and punch them before running away.
Advice of the day: Don`t go trick or treating at the bank. They get freaked out. Especially when it`s not Halloween
Is it bad when I’m talking to myself and I’m not even listening?
Roses are red. Violets are blue. Sunflowers are yellow. I bet you were expecting something romantic, but this is just gardening facts.
Stages of beard length: 1.) sexy stubble 2.) sea captain 3.) prisoner of war 4.) homeless person 5.) wizard
A cross-eyed teacher has no control over her pupils
"Don`t cry because its over, smile because his new girlfriend looks like a horse."
We are best friends. Always remember that if you fall, I will pick you up… After I finish laughing.
Probably a good thing I`m not a ghost cause I`d just stay in the kitchen and scare people then eat all their food.