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If it weren`t for WebMD I would have never known what symptoms to mimic so I could get all these prescriptions from my doctor.
I put my phone on airplane mode, and it dragged me out of my seat.
Just saw the book "Marriage for Dummies." ... Shouldn`t there be an "is" in there somewhere?
The first guy who bought pants had to go to the store without pants on, that`s just science
When you drink Vodka over ice, it can give you kidney failure, When you drink Rum over ice, it can give you liver failure, When you drink Whiskey over ice, it can give you heart problems, When you drink Gin over ice, it can give you brain problems. Apparently, ice is really bad for you.
Really discouraging that there`s still bald people in sci fi movies.
Due to the weather, I was able to use the words "wet and slippery" at work all day without anyone thinking I`m a big perv.
No way Iām the only one who crosses their fingers, closes their eyes & holds their breath when checking their account balance.
Be careful who you call friends. I`d rather have 4 quarters than 100 pennies.
Guy at Dairy Queen was yelling at everybody because they didn`t have waffle cones but they had pictures of waffle cones. That guy was me.
Those 5 donuts I ate are really going to give me an extra boost during my workout today.
I prefer to think outside the box because things can get very dark inside it.
Never marry a tennis player " love means nothing to them "
My wife must have some big surprise vacation planned. She left a note by the bed telling me I had until tomorrow to have my bags packed.
For a one-way mission to Mars, we should send a blogger. Not so they can blog about the experience, but so there`d be one less blogger.