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Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

*Removes smoke detector battery *Cooks in silence
I can`t tell them apart, was that Milli or Vanilli doing the sign language at Madela`s funeral?
I don`t need to go to church in order to feel ashamed of myself on Sunday morning.
Time is precious. Waste it wisely.
I`m scared of the pesticides on this produce, so I guess I`ll run them under cold water for half a second
If Apple really want to introduce something new and "innovative" they should just release a longer charger.
I`m starting to think that the Facebook status update I liked has had absolutely no influence on Government policy at all ...
Jehovah`s witnesses would probably be welcomed into more houses if they brought booze or cookies.
Had another daydream where I`m doing the mexican hat dance and CIA guys watching me from satellites are dancing along in their control room
Ladies and Gentleman, I`ve traveled a long way, crossed many bridges, fought my way through countless obstacles, all to bring you this one sad truth about life. There`s never enough beer.
So, at this point, should we really still be calling them New Kids on the Block?
If you want to bribe me food and beer works.
I don`t want to brag or make anybody jealous, but I can still fit into the earrings I wore in high school.
If there`s one thing I learned from my wife, it`s don`t get married!
Facebook is the reason why my work is not done.