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WORST.... APOCALYPSE..... EVER.....
My wife and I toss a coin to settle arguments; heads she wins, tails I apologise.
I must say I enjoy it more when a girl asks me out. To me, there`s nothing more attractive than that high level of confidence, initiative, and poor judgment.
Today is Friday the 13th. Try not to be a teenage girl in her underwear at night at a deserted summer camp today.
Before McDonald`s I bet "don`t buy cheeseburgers from a clown" was a pretty hard and fast rule.
Shouldn`t the Air and Space museum be empty?
Waterfalls are a beautiful, majestic sight as they pour down upon the rocky crags below. Unless you`re in a canoe and about to plummet to your death. Then waterfalls sorta suck.
Man: "You look nice today..." Woman: "Was I ugly yesterday?"
A budget is just a method of worrying before you spend money, as well as afterward.
I like to reward myself for getting up on time by laying in bed for another 20 minutes.
As I rise from my slumber the children scream in horror, as they did not know I was in the McDonald`s Playland ball pit
The most exercise I get from my exercise ball is when I move it around in my apartment so that it`s not in my way.
My p@nis was in the Guiness Book of Records. Untill the librarian kicked me out
I`d rather be someone`s shot of whiskey than everyone`s cup of tea.
So many fun things to say ... too many relatives on Facebook to post!