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As long as everything is exactly the way I want it. I am totally fleible.
"Do not touch" must be one of the scariest things to read in braille
I try to find the good in every situation. I meant “food.” I try to find the food in every situation.
I really thought 2015 had potential to be “my year” but we’re 2 months in and that ship has sailed so I’ll try again for 2016.
Tomorrow is Valentines day, a holiday that comes along once a year to remind you that if you don`t have a special someone...I guess your alone.
They say 1 in 3 people cheat in a relationship. I`m not sure if its my wife or my girlfriend.
Some people want a perfect relationship. I just want a cheeseburger that looks like the ones in commercials.
I’m glad MTV has shows like Teen Mom 3 so girls have good role models besides Miley.
One small step for man one giant step for a really small man
I took a nude photo of myself ... With the light off ... You`re welcome.
No one understands you better than some crazy weirdos on the internet.
Hey ladies breastfeeding in public,…Why don’t you ever smile in my pictures?
No cowboy in the world can out draw a grandmother pulling a baby picture out of her wallet.
People who get offended on the internet are the same people who take mini golf seriously.
I want the drugs of the first guy who was like "DUDE, let`s carve a face into a pumpkin."