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Do you guys dance in the shower too? This morning I did the robot! (I short circuited and stared at the wall for 40 minutes, broken)
Hair growing from my ears and nostrils doesn`t mean I`m getting old, right? Means I`m turning into a werewolf! Right?
Some people should use a glue stick instead of a chap stick.
So I didn`t want to wake up this morning and go to work. It`s not that I don`t like my job, it`s just that I like being lazy more.
i love you with all my butt. i would say heart but my butt is bigger :)
I wish I could write `` I Miss You `` on a rock and throw it at your face, so you can know how much it HURTS to miss you
Ladies, when a creepy guy asks for your # and hands u his phone, text REDCROSS to 90999 so he`ll donate $10 to Disaster Relief.
Was the little pig who built his house out of straw some sort of idiot?
Of course I can keep a secret. It’s the people I tell it to who can’t.
I recently jumped on the back of my psychologist and started counting...1...2...3 and he was so suprised asking me what I was doing and I answered offendedly: "Well you`re the one who said I could always count on you !"
When women say “It’s not what’s on the outside, it’s what’s on the inside that counts”, we all know they are talking about a Man’s wallets.
When my kid grows up they`re not aloud to date until they`re married.
There is no logical reason why short pants should cost the same as long pants.
If it weren`t for marriage,,, men would spend their lives thinking they had no faults at all.
Meaningless statistics are up 17% today