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People hate the truth. Luckily, the Truth doesn`t give a $#!t.
I never get nervous or embarrassed. That`s just some sh*t that sober people who leave the house have to worry about.
When you have a lot, you have hair. When you only have a few, you have hairs.
So how many women out there think men are pigs? Gimme a show of tits!
I only accept apologies in cash.
It`s not working. I`ve napped every day this week at work and not a single raise or promotion. Sleeping my way to the top was a stupid idea.
Welcome to our nearly empty restaurant. Please follow me to our worst table.
Please pray for the people still playing Farmville on Facebook.
I can make your gf scream louder than you can. - Spider
Fact: if you give your boyfriend a bj each time you act crazy, he`ll not only forgive you,but eventually be thrilled when you act nuts.
Time to get Star Spangled hammered. Happy 4th you crazy Americans.
Just assume that we aren’t close enough for you to send me a game invites on Facebook.
Wow, that Macy`s parade is crazy! The Kanye West float just cut off Snoopy and said Woodstock can fly better!
Days that I don’t have to care about my appearance are my favorite days.
I may be too old to cut the mustard, but I can still cut the cheese.