Daily Silly Status

You seem to love cocktails... or part of it.

Remember years ago when we didn`t have facebook and we had to take pictures of our food and get the film developed at the chemist get all your friends round your house and show them what you have been eating ...the good old days

I can`t even tell what this thing in my fridge use to be.

Nothing says God is forgiving like hell.

I never said I hated you. I just said that if you where on fire, I would consider roasting marshmallows. Big difference.

Sleep is my drug, the bed my dealer, the alarm clock the police.

My exercise routine consists of doing diddly squats.

I`m leaving my body to science fiction

Note to self: Stop leaving notes to yourself, you never read them anyway...

Water is the most essential element of life, because without water, you can’t make coffee.

I have difficulty sleeping at night because I lay awake obsessing over life`s mysteries, like how exactly does paper beat rock.

While wearing a bikini you show 90% of your body -But men are so polite, that they stare only at the covered places.

Ladies first. Because it might be dangerous.

Relationship Status: Very relieved socks can`t get pregnant.

Everyday I fall in love with you more and more. Except yesturday, yesturday you were pretty f*cking annoying.