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Steve Jobs` text was meant to say: "I reign as CEO of Apple" Iphone autocorrect strikes again!
"Who`s this clown?" - every guy about every other guy who is in a photo with a girl we like
Imagine, for a moment, what you could accomplish if you had the persistence and drive of the Adobe Acrobat Reader updater.
Sarcasm is just one of the many services I offer to people who ask stupid questions.
The problem with kleptomaniacs is that they take things so literally.
If a Jehovah`s Witness dies and goes to heaven...does God hide behind the pearly gates and pretend he`s not in?
Why do people ask "what the hell were you thinking"? Obviously, I was thinking I was gonna get away with it and not have to explain it.
Somewhere in a parallel universe, I hope there’s a giant dog with a tiny woman in its purse.
Right now my glass is half empty...Hey Bartender!!!
I used to think I was overreacting. Now I realize it was a normal reaction to an abnormal amount of bullsh!t.
I hate when people stare at me and don’t say anything. I mean if you want an autograph or a picture just ask..!
Don’t be scared of making changes. Be scared of living the same shitty life because you didn’t change. And spiders. Be scared of them too.
10 million people share the same birthday as you. Your personalized horoscope means sh!t.
in wine there is wisdom. in beer there is freedom. in water there is... umm bacteria
This isn`t a bakery. We don`t sugarcoat sh!t