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There is nothing louder than a party across the street that you weren’t invited to.
Seriously, ladies. If you just stop sleeping with douchebags eventually their species will go extinct. Look at the big picture here.
There’s both a McDonald’s and a blood pressure machine in this Walmart. Circle of life.
I`m getting all dressed up. Have a feeling I might be on COPS tonight.
I consider anything that doesn`t fit in the dishwasher to be for one time use.
Old enough to know better, young enough to take a dare...
My greatest fear is that PMS is fake and this is my real personality.
I think today I`m going to cut off the sleeves of my snuggie and walk around the neighborhood pretending I`m in a Clint Eastwood western movie.
I need to start setting an alarm to go to bed.
People are like snowflakes. If you piss on them they go away.
thinks that life was a lot simpler when I thought girls had cooties, and getting to the bottom of the sandbox was a good day.
My opinion of yoga pants varies depending on if I`m at the gym or if I`m at Wal-Mart or at Taco Bell.
I’ve taken off my pants in most malls that I’ve been to.
"I understand your logic, but let`s try to look at this more emotionally." - women
Patiently waiting for the Prozac to kick in so I can start my day....Ok, Maybe NOT patiently!