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I`m surprised carving faces into vegetables after pulling out their innards isn`t incorporated into more American Holidays.
The sexiest fantasy in 50 Shades Of Grey is the bit where she gets a job in journalism without having to do years of unpaid work experience.
I find it ironic that it takes 12 steps to get a beer out of my fridge.
I´ll never be old enough to know better.
Isn`t it ironic that crocodiles like water and people who wear Crocs are douchbags. Ok, maybe I don`t know what ironic means.
Facebook.. reminds me a lot of high school. Full of alcohol, drugs, jealousy, sexual frustration and a bunch of boobs I`ll never get to touch.
Bacon...need I say more
I love that little thing that you do...You know, the one where you leave.
Thanks for posting another selfie. I completely forgot what you looked like 24 hours ago.
The only sit up I do is the one I use to get out of bed.
I need a better plan of action when my phone rings than throwing it.
Whenever you`re feeling down and in the dumps, just remember...the rest of us have been feeling that way about you too!
What`s the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don`t know and I don`t care.
I just want to be rich enough to pay people to not talk to me.
I`m sure the guy standing at the urinal next to me, regrets wearing those flip flops today.