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I love to do housework in the nude. Unfortunately for the neighbours, today I`m roofing.
Anything is possible when you have no clue what you`re talking about
You must have been born on a highway. Most accidents take place there.
A lot of talk from the peasants lately about my arrogance.
I always look for the best looking cashier at the supermarket and always end up at the self checkout lane
Facebook is like a fridge. When you`re bored you keep opening and closing it every few minutes to see if there`s anything good in it
I always walk through my office with a stern look on my face and a toilet plunger to avoid conversations.
Hating people takes too much energy. I just pretend they`re dead
I wish I could commute by roller coaster.
"It gotten SOOO cold in D.C., politicians have their hands in their OWN pockets!"
this isn`t the status you`re looking for
I`m surrounded by sex addicts & alcoholics. So glad I found y`all.
You`re right, vodka. This is the perfect time to use a hammer.
I wonder if Oscar the Grouch has a hipster cousin somewhere that lives in a recycling bin