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Whoever has my voodoo doll, please scratch between my butt cheeks..I`m in public.
So much to say. So not drunk enough to say it.
Having children is a fantastic source of free labor.
I wish "it`s the thought that counts" worked for housework.
Admit it...Life yould be boring without me.
A woman that doesn`t ask for nothing deserves everything
I`m just a boy...standing in front of a girl...asking her to lov.....aw who am I trying to fool. I just want in your pants.
An elderly woman at an ATM asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over. Yup, she needs a walker.
Sorry, just got your text. Are we still on for last night?
Parenting gets a lot harder when you can no longer say "I`m calling Santa!"
Happy Birthday to all those ladies that their men forgot about because it falls on Super Bowl Sunday this year.
One dog was admiring another dog`s leash, and said, "I admire your restraint."
Lets just skip the fight and go right to the make-up sex.
I’m a fan of saying YOU’RE WELCOME really loudly when people don’t thank you.
Pretty impressed at petrol station today, as i was filling up, i heard woman with truck at next pump say is that Vin Diesel, I smiled, then realised she meant Van Diesel :-/