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I got on-line to check the weather...That was 12 years ago.
My life is a constant cycle of waiting for the weekend and then not doing anything when it comes.
I wonder if the Happy Birthday wishes I send out to my Facebook friends would mean the same to them if they knew that I was sitting on the toilet.... LOL
It`s amazing how many people are diagnosed with a disease as soon as there`s a pill available for it.
Sometimes what sounds like opportunity knocking is actually disappointment leaving a flaming bag of poop on your doorstep.
Big shout-out to slugs! Those little guys are out there everyday, doing all the same stuff as snails but without helmets.
I think God created marriage so death wouldn`t come as such a disappointment.
I`m just wondering what the employees at the Weather Channel make small talk about.
Whatever Mom, IF THAT`S EVEN YOUR REAL NAME!!!
Pro Tip: If you`re on the bus, and wearing headphones, people can still hear you fart.
Instead of laughing my a$$ off, I`m going to start laughing my stomach off. I`d rather lose that.
I wish my wallet came with free refills.
1st woman on the Moon.. Houston we have a problem What? Never mind What`s the problem? Nothing Please tell us? You know what the problem is.
When I die I`m going to go to heaven and God is going to be like nope, remember what you said on Facebook
I worry about people who write "taken" in their bios. Where did they go? Who took them and why aren`t we helping to find them?