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As you Mature... you learn that you cannot make someone love you.. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in..
...and this right here son is called pornography, and it`s why they invented the internet.
Three things I’m thankful for this time of year: Family, Friends, and Caller ID to avoid family and friends
There is a big difference between a guy and a girl saying "I went through an entire box of tissues during that movie."
Top uses for Golf Balls: 1. Describing hail storms 2. Describing tumors 3. Playing golf
"No comment" - said no woman, ever
Sometimes I feel moderately intelligent. Other times I have to sing the "ABCs" in my head to remember which letter comes next.
I opened a bottle of wine to let it breathe. It didn`t. So I gave it mouth to mouth.
I`m sorry, I`ll be busy this weekend walking around my house with mini alcohol bottles and fun size candy bars pretending I`m a giant.
hearing that Jesus loves you is very nice unless you`re in a Mexican prison
Save water- shower with me!
I like how automatic doors just get out of my way. I wish more inanimate objects seemed scared of me.
NyQuil is great. I love the way it comes with it´s own shot glass
Sorry I said "nice phone" when you showed me a photo of your baby.
I don`t fear death... It happens to everyone. I just hope when I am dead and buried, I don`t vote Democrat.