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Iām single by choice. Not my choice, but still a choice!
I`m not sure where you learned to whisper but I`m guessing inside a helicopter surrounded by f*cking chainsaws.
Pumpkin for sale. Slightly used
thinks that drinking beer is the second-most satisfying thing a guy can do for himself with one hand.
Flip flops are fun because every time you take a step it`s like a high-five for your feet.
Don`t ask me stupid questions and I won`t hurt your stupid feelings.
Found out today you`re supposed to urinate on a jellyfish sting, not a jelly stain. Sorry lady at the waffle house... just trying to help.
I have NEVER faked a sarcasm in my life ;)
First comes love, then comes marriage. Then comes not making any decisions and feeling guilty about asking for blowjobs.
In every organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on. That person must be fired.
Why get married when you can just drive into oncoming traffic?
CANT TOUCH THIS!! Na na na na.
A woman saying "I`m not mad at you" is like a dentist saying "You won`t feel a thing."
Dear women at Walmart with 6 screaming kids: if your wondering how that box of condoms got in your cart.... Your welcome!
There is nothing like sitting naked in a beanbag chair eating Cheetos. I hope they let me back in Walmart.