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No one sees you when you`re kind, no one sees you when you do a nice thing, but all will see on you when you fart.
My girlfriend just threw away a bubble wrap without popping it. Just like that. I`m dating an animal :(
Somewhere someone`s therapist knows you.
Telling a girl to calm down is like trying to baptize a cat.
If you feel down because you had a bad day! Chin up! Tomorrow is another day and the worst has yet to come!
Was late to my first Fight Club last night so missed the intro rules. Still, Fight Club was brilliant and I`d highly recommend Fight Club.
To be honest with you, I start all my lies with to be honest with you.
I bet strippers look forward to that feeling of getting home and wearing a bra after a long day at work.
Remember all those times I said "wow, that`s cool!"? What I really meant was, "shut the f*ck up, I hate you."
Life is fun! You should get one.
Auto correct changed "group hug" to "grope hug" and I`m not in charge of the team-building exercises any more.
If he pauses a video game to text you, he`s probably already losing, no need to feel special or anything,
you can´t drink all day if you don´t start in the morning
A date with Destiny.. Cause strippers need lovin` too.
Never go to bed angry. Stay awake and plot revenge.