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My boss said we needed to find ways to save time and be more productive, so I just moved the coffee maker to my desk
Ha! Who`s laughing now, f*ckers that took your Christmas lights down last year!
Do you ever have the urge to tell someone to shut up even when they aren`t talking?
FYI: Real hippos at the zoo don’t eat marbles. They should post a sign or something.
If ignorance really was bliss we`d have a lot more really happy people around here.
Swans mate for life...in case you were wondering what made them so mean.
You can run from your problems. Unless your problem is a cheetah.
I can`t remember if I have any repressed memories.
I want someone to look at me the way I look at cupcakes.
Last night I was walking the sexiest girl ever home until she turned around and saw me.
If you didn`t want me looking in your bedroom than you never should have put your window at the same height as my ladder.
Can`t they just make a "Poke infinity" button?
Thinks that some of you make impulsive, poor thought out decisions. We should totally hang out more!!!
It`s the little things in life that count, like pills.
She says I keep pushing her buttons. If that were true, I would have found `mute` by now.