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Long story short, I love summaries.
If you eat it in the car before you get home, it never existed.
When I grow up I´d like to be a "Retired Lottery Winner."
The male version of a tramp stamp should be called a douche tag.
If you don`t put your leftovers in Tupperware for like at least two weeks before throwing it in the trash... you`re doing it wrong.
Apparently, 4 people die every year trying to put their pants on... - me, explaining to my (ex)boss why I went in with no pants
Water is life; without it we wouldn’t have coffee, whiskey or beer.
Hot singles in your area are dating each other while you sit alone staring at your phone.
This status has been censored by Facebook
Dear person reading this, just want you to know that someone cares about you. It`s not me, but I`m sure someone does...
You never know what you have until you clean your room.
I decided to make a bucket list for when I kick the bucket. Number 1: Wear shoes! Ever tried kicking a metal bucket without shoes?
It needs more cowbell!!
I may not be the only egomaniac around here, but I’m the only one that matters.
Coffee shops should have a separate line for people who are late for work.