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This Polo shirt as two buttoning options: Uptight Golf prick or disco chest hairs.
My inner child is a drunken whore
During sex, my wife always wants to talk to me? Just the other night she called me from some hotel.
Amazing how many people just stroll into tattoo parlors and say “Give me the dumbest thing you can think of.”
Any pencil can be a number two pencil if you eat it.
I`m as conflicted as a strip club addict with a glitter allergy.
Say what you want about Captain Hook, but he ran that entire pirating operation singlehandedly.
This might be the worst online counseling site ever.
Thank you, true crime show, for saying that was a reenactment. I was pretty upset your camera person didn`t stop that murder.
you know hes a keeper when you know his facebook login and password!
"You should`ve come with us!" well, inviting me would`ve helped..
You know you had an awesome night when you need sunglasses to get food out the fridge.
There is a 3-for-2 sale in my local shoe shop. I almost bought myself a new pair of shoes, but couldn`t decide whether to get an extra left or a right one as part of the offer....
You can tell how much a woman hates her husband by how short she cuts her hair.
My friend won a trip to China. He´s out there now... trying to win a trip back.