Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
MTV canceled Teen Mom, so it`s like they had those babies for nothing.
I`m going to get one of those "My Family" stick figure decals for the back of my car. It`s going to be me, a bottle of whiskey, and a pizza.
Never trust anyone who says “Im not supposed to tell anyone but”
Do Starbucks employees take coffee breaks?
Had to talk with my son about masturbation today...I explained that it is natural, and he should probably knock before he comes into my room from now on.
I really like it when women check me out, they seem to be able to work the register a lot better than men.
Paint thinner? I call bullsh!t. I been painting myself with it all week and I`m still fat.
The bed is always the comfiest right at the time you are supposed to be getting out of it
Some days the problem is I care too much... Today was not one of those days...
Remember this when you are drunk: You can`t fall off the floor.
It`s a humbling moment when you realize your dog or cat has actually trained you to do something.
I rather be a known drunk, than an Anonimous Alcoholic
Experience with women has taught me that Jack was most likely pushed down the hill.
I`ve never heard an alarm going off on a car worth stealing.
The nice thing about living in the southern states is that "He needed killing" is a valid legal defense here.