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I can’t tell you how many times I’ve opened the refrigerator and thought, What am I doing inside the refrigerator?
Email: 8 character min, including 1 upper, 1 lower, 1 number, 1 special character. ATM card: 4 numbers
Hell is an endless cycle of getting comfortable in bed & then suddenly having to pee.
My death bed confession is going to be epic!
I hate people that don’t know the difference between “your” and “you’re”. Their so stupid…….
According to the squirrel riding a unicycle in my kitchen, I may have taken too much sleep medication.......
Enough with procrastination, it’s time for excuses.
FUN THING TO WRITE ON A POST CARD: “Weather is great, having tons of fun! Are you still planning to murder your mailman?”
Don`t do it in the Garden, they say love is blind but ur neighbor ain`t.
I`m Not Single. I am romantically challenged
I don`t know why I think I could survive the Zombie Apocalypse, I cant even handle the puff of air at the eye doctor.
The two major causes of depression are: a) having a job, and b) not having a job.
I can`t wait to be ashamed of what I do this weekend
Saw a brand new Prius totaled on my way home from work. Still had the window sticker. That would suck... Not to crash, but to drive a Prius.
I didn`t see anyone important today, so I`ll probably wear these same clothes tomorrow.