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When a woman asks you to guess her age, it`s like deciding whether to cut the blue, red, or green wire to diffuse a bomb
I`ll act my age when I`m 69..
The office Christmas party is a great opportunity to catch up with people you haven`t seen for half an hour.
Hey Ladies..Prince charming is Gay and living with Mr. Right
Big shoutout to my neighbors, who left their back door open accidentally, when I needed a few things and didn`t want to go to the store...
So, I hear Colorado`s population has increased 420%.
Sad Fact- Boobie traps seldom involve boobies.
Q.Teacher: why do we drink water? A. Learner : Because we cant eat it!
In the 60`s we took LSD to make the world look wierd. Now the world is weird and we take Prozac to make it look normal.
All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening
On a scale of 1-10, I give this day a middle finger.
Long story short, I love summaries
Whoever said paper beats rock is an idiot. Next time that happens, I`m gonna throw a rock at them while they hold up a sheet of paper.
I have two words for this week. BEER ME!!!
My 5 year plan is to watch Netflix. All of it.