Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I keep myself in good enough shape to outrun most women and children during emergencies.
People like you remind me how lucky I am that my cell phone provider has a block option! Just sayin.
It`s all fun and games until you find out she`s a psychotic bitch...
Good thing all the `Five and Ten` stores closed... They were nickle and diming us to death.
Just quit my job so I can spend more quality time giving out candy crush extra lives.
The next person I hear say “I love fall” is getting choked out with a scarf soaked in pumpkin spice latte.
Success is 1% inspiration, 98% perspiration and 2% attention to detail.
Ladies, if he calls you crazy, don`t get upset. Crazy girls are better in bed so take it as a compliment. But stab him, just in case...
The problem is not the problem, the problem is your attitude about the problem.
I always carry a jellyfish in case I need to pee on someone.
I enjoy a bit of unnecessary swearing as much as the next f*cker.
love me or leave me,,HEY!!! where is everybody going?
Studies show it’s totally okay for me to just say “studies show” in front of whatever I want to say.
One man’s LOL is another man’s WTF.
If booze isn`t the answer, then your question sucks.