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FUN THING TO WRITE ON A POST CARD: "Weather is great, having tons of fun! Are you still planning to murder your mailman?"
If my job was to make health questionnaires, I`d slip in random stuff like "How fast can you run backwards?"
If we aren`t supposed to be too close to the microwave then why do they show us food twirling around in there?
i dont drink any more and yet again i dont any less either
“100 Calorie Packs” roughly translated means “Eat Two or Three of These”
is battling with eyelids
Turns out I`m ambidextrous at yet another sport! And I even scored a bingo twice. Left-handed!
How do people dumb enough to buy $500 sunglasses make enough money to buy $500 sunglasses?
I want to grow my own food but I can`t find any bacon seeds.
Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place to have sex.
If pigs could fly, nobody would be eating chicken wings.
"Shit ton" is my favorite unit of measurement.
3 out of 4 Americans make up 75% of the population.
If you are the one who stole my computer yesterday, please disregard the folder labeled, "Nature photographs." Thanks.
Why do they call it "Jew-ish"? Are they not Jew enough?