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Honestly, I have no idea what the f*ck I`ll do with 5 hours of energy.
Still waiting for a "Where are they now?" episode about the Flintstones
I can`t afford Disney World so we go to the biggest hill on my street and my kids wait an hour before I roll them down in my office chair.
Why do they ask you "Please press 1 for English, then put you with someone who`s accent is so thick you can`t understand them?
Like a stoned man once said, I can`t remember.
I’m not a vegetarian but I eat animals who are.
Please no one tell me what happens on the NFL today; I`m still on Season 8.
Daylight Savings makes us lose an hour... It’s kind of like Facebook.
The Roomba vacuum cleaner just beat me to a piece of popcorn I dropped on the floor & this is how the war against the machines begins.
Screw it, just add another blade." -Gillette marketing concepts.
People who say "I hate to bother you" need to learn to hate it a little bit more.
What idiot named them jet skis instead of boatercycles
I google myself sometimes just to know what the hell I`m up to. ;)
“Shit ton” is my favorite unit of measurement.
I just wanna find a girl who loves me for my money. That way I wouldn`t feel bad for loving her for her body.