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It’s called karma, and it’s pronounced “haha! Screw you!”
Some of the best things in life...are mistakes.
God is creative, I mean just look at me.
Just in case you are wondering ... I did not go to Jared.
Relationships would be easier if people came with a “Clear History” button.
Sometimes my kid likes me, but I`m pretty sure it`s only because I`m his Oreo dealer.
I can´t wait for summer. One of my highlights of summer is talking into the fan to hear my robot voice.
When someone tells me I`m going to hell, I`m like "yeah, duh, I work there part time as a tour guide!"
Word for the day is asstard
Shoot for the moon, and even if you miss, you and your motivational crap is far away
If it`s any consolation, your Doppelganger is probably having a really awesome day.
Do you guys remember 10 years ago, when all the people with gluten allergies were dying in the streets like diseased cattle?
People says nothing is imposible.. But i do nothing everyday!!
Finding a needle in a haystack is quite easy if you just set the hay on fire.
If something`s worth doing, it`s worth doing rihgt.