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If you`re wondering about my cooking skills, I`ve been asked to bring paper towels to our family gathering.
what does bgif mean on a friday night ? ... boobs go in front
During Sex you burn as much calories as running 5 miles ... Who the f*ck runs 5 miles in 30 seconds.
When it comes to bug protection, you just can`t beat "OFF!".
Yes, I know why you pulled me over. I didn`t see you in your little hiding spot over there, so I couldn`t slow down in time.
My friends most commonly describe me as "who?"
Girl: What color are my eyes? Guy: 34C
I hate when I´m laughing & my a$$ falls off.
My favorite thing about marriage is sharing a house with the person most likely to murder me.
Don`t threaten to leave people, surprise them by actually leaving.
H&R Block said I won`t get nearly as much back in taxes this year because apparently the neighbors want to claim their own children.
I like my women like I like my motorcycles. Not ridden by all my friends.
I got kicked out of the zoo for feeding the ducks ... to the alligators.
Lord, help me be the person my psychiatrist medicates me to be.
Baby.. I wanna be the reason you need therapy.