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The Hobbit 2: we`ve still got a long way to walk
"You`re right I`m sorry. You`re right I`m sorry. You`re right I`m sorry. You`re right I`m sorry" - me practicing for a successful relationship.
Guys are at their mathematical best when a girl says she is pregnant.
Apparently "I`ll break your god damn legs" isn`t the problem solving skills that employers are looking for, at least according to HR anyway.
Today`s Horoscope: You`re gullible.
I`m only 30 lbs away from my New Year`s resolution to lose 20 lbs!!
Life is different in Christian frats: “You should’ve seen this hot chick I didn’t bang.” “Way to save it for marriage, bro.” *fist bump*
Cinderella is my favorite fairy tale about how foot size is the best way to recognize someone.
Today, my wife asked "would you still love me if I was ugly and fat." "Yes, honey I do." was not the right answer.
The guy blaring the self help CD at the red light in the rusted car with no bumpers wasn`t amused when I said, "I don`t think it`s working"
"I can`t believe it`s not clutter." ~ A recovering hoarder
Dear Stomach: You`re bored, not hungry. Shut up.
Learning how to break wooden boards in karate is important in case you ever get in a fight with a house.
Some days the problem is I care too much… Today was not one of those days…
If we can put a satellite in orbit around a comet 4 billion miles away, perhaps someday we can put a working wireless printer in my office.