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Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but my boss just gets mad when I don`t come to work
"I really should buckle down and get my rap album going"-Me, every time I drink
My hobbies include working out, staying fit, eating healthy, and lying.
That annoying feeling when you finally downloaded the movie you wanted to watch and BOOM!... It`s in French. #F**kYouFrance
Do NOT accept friend requests from Hormel Foods, it could be spam...
Touch it gently, put two fingers inside, if it`s wide use three fingers, make sure it`s wet and rub up and down. Yep that`s how you wash a cup.
Whenever I move into a new neighborhood, the first thing I familiarize myself with is the liquor store coz you know priorities.
I plan on being up really late tonight making voodoo dolls for, well, nevermind, you will know who you are soon enough
Who needs the weather network when you have Facebook.
I sure do feel a lot more attractive at Walmart than I do at the gym.
I think we`ll be friends forever because we`re too lazy to find new friends.
Do whatever you want, and if it`s something you`re going to regret in the morning, sleep late.
FYI....just in case something happens.....The cashier at the liquor store down the street is my emergency contact person.
If the customer is always right, then why isn’t anything for free?
For the past 3 years I have been planning to write an article on Procrastination!!!